Mental Health – Dreadfully Kelly

THE REALITY OF STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH

10th Oct 2024 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

Almost a year ago, I shared a post about embracing self-kindness and setting realistic goals for the year ahead. I talked about slowing down, nurturing ourselves, and practicing self-compassion. In the moment, I truly believed that would be my path for 2024. But the truth is, I haven’t published a single blog post since then.

Why? Because I’ve been struggling. Depression, burnout… they crept up on me in ways I didn’t expect. I had days where just getting out of bed felt like an impossible task. The passion I once had for writing, self-care, and all the little joys in life seemed to fade. And you know what? That’s okay.

Today is World Mental Health Day, and I feel compelled to share that it’s perfectly okay not to be okay. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve struggled. In fact, I think it’s time we all start being a little more honest about how tough things can get.

You are not alone…

Mental health is such an invisible, often misunderstood battle. We put on brave faces, keep pushing through, and sometimes, we crash. If you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted, please know you are not alone. There are so many of us out there who understand exactly what you’re going through. You matter, and your mental health matters too.

It’s easy to talk about self-compassion when you’re feeling good, but it’s even more important to practice it when you’re at your lowest. Over the past year, I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to take a step back, to feel lost, to struggle. And that doesn’t make me a failure – it makes me human.

I have also had to allow others to pick up the slack and have spent the majority of the last few months feeling like a failure. A failure as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend…well the list just goes on really doesn’t it?

Moving forward…

I’m still navigating this journey, and I don’t have all the answers. But what I do know is that being kind to myself has been more important than ever. Some days, just getting through the day is enough of an achievement. And slowly but surely, I’m learning that progress isn’t always linear, and that’s okay too.

So if you’re reading this, take a moment to breathe. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.

Let’s continue this conversation, not just on World Mental Health Day, but every day. Let’s make sure no one ever feels like they’re in this alone.

Boo x

NEW YEAR, NEW ME…OR WHATEVER.

31st Dec 202310th Oct 2024 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

I honestly don’t know how many times I have entered the New Year with that fresh start mentality. It is exhausting and honestly, I just don’t think I can handle it right now.

While many of us focus on goals like eating healthier, exercising more, or learning a new skill, there is one resolution that often gets overlooked – being kind to ourselves. In a world that constantly demands more from us, it’s important to take a step back and prioritise self-care and self-compassion.

Embracing self-kindness…

In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, constantly striving for perfection and comparing ourselves to others. We often forget that we are only human, with our own strengths and weaknesses. This year, let’s make a conscious effort to be kind to ourselves, embracing our flaws and celebrating our accomplishments, no matter how small.

I know that I could really do with putting less pressure on myself. I work full time, have three beautiful children and am studying part time for a degree, but despite all of that I’m always looking for more.

So my first resolution is going to be to calm the fuck down and just take a breather.

Nurturing your mind, body and soul…

Being kind to yourself goes beyond just positive self-talk. It’s about nurturing your mind, body, and soul. Take the time to indulge in activities that bring you joy and help you unwind. Whether it’s reading a good book, taking a long bath, or going for a walk in nature, prioritize self-care and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.

Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for our overall well-being. Make self-care a priority in your life. Set aside time each day to do something that brings you joy and helps you recharge. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, journaling, or engaging in a hobby, find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine.

I used to love taking over the bathroom for a couple of hours at the weekend. Running a steaming hot bath and just spending some time on my skin and haircare. It made me happy and I always felt more myself after. I need to bring that back in 2024.

Practicing self-compassion…

We often hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and beat ourselves up for not meeting them. This year, let’s replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would extend to a loved one. Acknowledge your mistakes and shortcomings, but also recognize your strengths and the progress you’ve made.

I have been through a tremendous amount in the last fifteen years and I honestly think I need to spend some time just acknowledging that trauma and healing. It’s something I have never down and it’s clearly long overdue.’

Setting realistic goals…

While setting goals is important, it’s equally important to set realistic ones. Be mindful of your limitations and don’t overburden yourself with unrealistic expectations. Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps, and celebrate each milestone along the way. Remember, progress is progress, no matter how small.

One last thing…

As we embark on a new year, I encourage you to make a resolution to be kind to yourself. In a world that often emphasizes productivity and perfection, it’s easy to neglect our own well-being. Remember, you are worthy of love, care, and kindness. Embrace your uniqueness, celebrate your accomplishments, and be gentle with yourself during challenging times. Here’s to a year filled with self-compassion and personal growth.

Boo x

If you enjoyed this blog post, be sure to check out some of my other ramblings:

‘DELICATE CONDITION’ BY DANIELLE VALENTINE REVIEW

20th Aug 20233rd Jul 2024 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Book Club

This post contains details of a book that I was gifted by NetGalley. All views are my own.

Valentine’s writing style is hauntingly captivating, painting vivid and chilling images that will leave you breathless. To be honest, it is horrific in the most beautiful way.

I wanted this baby so badly.
But she may be the death of me…

Anna Alcott is desperate to have a family. But as she tries to balance her increasingly public life as an indie actress with a gruelling IVF regime, she starts to suspect that someone is going to great lengths to make sure that never happens. Crucial medicines are lost. Appointments are moved without her knowledge. She’s sure she’s being followed. And when she finally does get pregnant, someone breaks into her house and steals the ultrasound photograph of her baby. But despite everything she’s gone through, not even her husband is willing to believe that someone is playing twisted games with her.

Then her doctors tell her she’s lost the baby. Despite her grief, Anna ignores the grave-faced men lecturing her – because she can still feel the baby moving, can see the toll it’s taking on her weakened body. Isolated in a remote snowbound town, Anna is sure that whoever has been following her is closing in on her and her unborn child. And as her symptoms become more terrifying, she can’t help but wonder what exactly is growing inside her… and why no-one will listen when she says that something is horribly wrong.

‘Delicate Condition’ by Danielle Valentine

This book delves deep into the complexities of gender and power, exploring the struggles and triumphs of women in a way that is both thought-provoking and empowering with a focus on dark feminist themes.

Valentine masterfully weaves together elements of horror and psychological suspense, creating a modern-day homage to the classic novel ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ by Ira Levin, that will keep you on the edge of your seat.

While ‘Delicate Condition’ is undeniably a gripping read, I couldn’t help but crave more of Valentine’s twisted storytelling. The book left me hungry for further exploration into the dark and mysterious world she created.

Overall, ‘Delicate Condition’ is a must-read for fans of horror, feminist literature, and psychological thrillers. With its horrific beauty and thought-provoking themes, it is a book that will stay with you long after you turn the last page.

GETTING DIVORCED IN YOUR TWENTIES: THE REALITY

8th Mar 20228th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

Marrying in my early twenties seemed like the natural progression for me. As a young mother I was already so much more mature than my years (or so I thought) and just wanted to settle down. I craved stability.

As far as taboo subjects go this may not be one you have really put much thought into but divorce in your twenties comes with more baggage than you would ever realise. Not only did I have to deal with my marriage breaking down and my own personal thoughts and feelings associated with that but also everyone else’s opinions. Believe me, there were plenty of those!

On paper we were married for over five years, in reality it was barely eighteen months. The shame and disappointment in myself was overwhelming. It was suffocating at times and if I’m honest that was harder to deal with than the breakup itself. I wanted to hide and heal. Divorce wasn’t something that happened to people my age, was it? It felt like a dirty word, sour in my mouth. My social media was full of photographs and memories. Even now many years later I’m still reminded of things I’d usually rather forget.

Whilst my family were amazing for the most part I won’t pretend that there wasn’t an element of ‘I told you so’ in the air. Attitudes like that can be so damaging to a persons mental health at such a vulnerable time. The experience has really taught me more than I ever realised about how important it is to be considerate and kind. Not to judge and that gossip really is the devil.

The fear of giving into failure can ultimately be the thing that keeps you in an unsuccessful marriage and if I could give anyone in my position some advice it would be to never, ever feel ashamed of choosing the path that’ll make you happy in the long run. The short term may seem daunting, even terrifying but before you know it you’ll look back with nothing but relief.

Our experiences are never entirely negative. You can learn so much from what you perceive as a waste of time. I came away from my marriage knowing more about myself and who I wanted to be in the future. I’m stronger, wiser and more grounded than I ever was. My thirties may have started with an ending, but that made way for some beautiful new beginnings and for that I will be forever grateful.

RESOLUTIONS AND REGRETS (BLOGMAS – DAY THIRTY-ONE)

31st Dec 20218th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

…and just like that it’s New Years Eve again. 2021 has been a strange one. Little snippets of a reality we used to know interspersed with a ‘new normal’.

I feel like I’ve had a permanent headache trying to wrap my brain around what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m sure many of you feel the same.

Anyway, I digress. This year has been filled with isolation, binged box sets and far too many biscuits. I don’t want to fall into the old ‘New Year, New Me’ trap but in 2022 I’m making some changes!

Exercise…

I have NEVER been a fan of exercise. However, I will begrudgingly admit that when I do throw myself into some semblance of a routine I do feel better for it. Not just physically but mentally too.

I don’t necessarily feel the need to lose weight, I’m undoubtedly at the heaviest I have ever been (pregnancy excluded) but actually feel quite confident in myself. I would like to be healthier though. Since having covid late last year I would definitely say I’ve been more sluggish, I really hope this is something I can overcome with a better diet and exercise.

I guess it would also be nice to look and feel my best on my wedding day!

Do well at uni…

I’m about to embark on my second term of uni and it’s going well so far! I’m really enjoying it and honestly, I think it was something I desperately needed.

Whilst the course might have taken me by surprise I feel comfortable in my growth and really hope that I can keep it up.

I so want 2022 to be the year that I absolutely SMASH my first two modules. I think that would be a highlight for me. With a creative writing assignment on the horizon as well as some intense reading I’ve got some hard work ahead!

Make memories…

With 2020 & 2021 being somewhat a waste of bloody time I feel like now more than ever is all about seizing the day and really grabbing every piece of happiness you possibly can.

I want to live my life and create the most beautiful memories with my loved ones. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Manifest…

This might sound a bit loopy but I experimented with manifesting back in the summer and can honestly say (in my own experience) that it genuinely works. I really want to try and implement that positive frame of mind into my daily life next year.

I truly believe that good things are coming my way and I am so ready for them!

What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Do you have any regrets you’d like to rectify?

INFLUENCER? I WISH! OR DO I? (BLOGMAS – DAY SIXTEEN)

16th Dec 20218th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

Hi guys! I thought today would be a good time to address a couple of misconceptions within the beauty community. I mean, obviously I can’t speak for everyone, so these views and experiences are entirely my own.

I’m a mum of three, but not a ‘Mummy Blogger’. I’m not a domestic goddess who bakes and dresses my kids in designer gear. I love cosmetics and beauty in general, but I haven’t mastered a cut crease or wings sharp enough to slit the throats of my enemies. I like fashion but my god can you imagine me trying to strike a pose next to a tree and not looking like an utter knob? Those are just a few of the areas that I fail miserably in but I’m sure there are plenty more.

The image you present online can be so misleading.

I’m lucky really, in comparison to some of my fellow content creators I have never received very many hate comment (if you ignore the fact half of Facebook seems to be convinced that I wear a wig) and most of the people I have met and befriended since starting my Instagram page have been amazing and incredibly supportive. The comments I receive are very sweet and one of the most common questions I get asked are ‘Where do you find the time to glam up as well as juggle everything else?’ and honestly? I don’t. I spend an awful lot of time in my pyjamas or a sweatshirt and leggings.

I suffer with anxiety, so I don’t often leave the house ‘just because’. I usually have a specific reason. I don’t live the glamorous lifestyle of established influencers, attending events and having the ability to purchase the latest products. Most of my time is spent looking after my family or trying to find something to binge watch.

I’m sorry I know this is starting to sound really depressing and it’s not meant to. If anything, I honestly imagined this post would be more humorous.

Anyway, long story short I just don’t really know what I am or who I want to be or even who I’m supposed to be to make these little online ventures a success?

If you have an opinion on this matter, I would genuinely love to hear it. I think it’s good to always try and see things from a different perspective and I’m usually missing something so your views can only help me in the long run!

TTYL guys.

Love Kelly.

CONFESSIONS OF AN ACCIDENTAL STAY AT HOME MUM (BLOGMAS – DAY EIGHT)

8th Dec 20218th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

This was never the plan and although I know I have a lot to be thankful for I can’t pretend that my soul doesn’t ache for parts of my former life.

When I was 17 and in hindsight barely out of childhood myself I gave birth to my eldest son. He was and will remain always the light of my life. I missed out on a lot of my teenage and young adult years and with that the freedom and opportunity to go out there and make mistakes. As a mother that wasn’t part of my destiny. I studied for a career I never actually wanted as a means to make something of myself and build a life for my child. Over the years I either worked or studied. As a habitual over thinker I’m better off busy.

By the time I fell pregnant with my youngest son I was finally in a job that I loved. A place that I thrived in and felt that I belonged. I was to happily take my maternity leave and focus on my family whilst living with the comfort I’d have my little piece of normality to go back to at the end of it. But that’s not what happened and three years later I’m still at home.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, part of me actually feels sick writing this because I know I’m going to be judged. I don’t hate my life. I adore my family. My children are the best thing to have ever happened to me and my partner is beyond supportive, loving and caring in every way possible. I’m fortunate to have these incredible people in my life. To have a home, bills that are always paid and food on the table. I can’t help but silently mourn though, because in the process of building this life I have lost myself and I miss her.

She was fun, I was fun! I was confident and funny. I’m not those things anymore. I’m a shell of who I used to be and I don’t know how to break free of these chains that I have wrapped myself in. The prospect of going back to work now absolutely terrifies me. To have to start from scratch when I feel so unqualified to do anything more strenuous than the school run.

Putting together a CV with such a big gap is daunting. I’m scared to put myself out there because the rejection isn’t something I feel I can mentally handle right now. I wish I could turn back the clock and ask the old me for advice. She’d know what to do. She always did.

Whilst I know I’ll fight my way out of this funk it’s clear to see that it’s going to be a challenge. I know I’m not alone and there will be many more women in my position. I wish I could tell them all that it’ll be ok, you’re still amazing and worthy of the life you used to have, but how can I when I can’t even convince myself?

My god, if being a mother has taught me anything it’s that I am stronger than I think.

Maybe I just need to fake it till I make it, we all have to start somewhere right?

BLOGTOBER X BLOGR CHALLENGE 2021 WEEK 1 – A LETTER TO 2022 ME (BLOGTOBER – DAY FOURTEEN)

14th Oct 20218th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

Dear Kelly of 2022,

This year you have so many amazing things in store and I can’t wait to see how it all pans out. I hope you’re as excited as I am!

2020 – 2021 was a time of reflection for us both and at times I honestly didn’t know if that was a good thing but at this moment in time I’m truly sure it was.

By now you’ll be deep into your uni course (only over a decade late but the best things come to those who wait) and hopefully enjoying it more than you ever imagined.

In nine months you’ll be marrying the love of your life and spending the day celebrating with the people you treasure most in the world (which lets face it, after the last couple of years is needed more than ever!).

Maybe you’ll have shifted that lockdown weight (doubt it, you’re quite happy in yourself right now and I bloody love that!) and maybe you haven’t but knowing that you’re content and healthy is my happy place.

I hope you’re still writing consistently just for you and not because you feel you have to. It’s helped to ground you so much and helps with all kinds of aspects of your day to day life.

You started the year off so well, reading often and feeling so inspired by other peoples words and that slowly tailed off into a nothingness. I was you to promise that 2022 will be the year you read and read and read. It’s one of the biggest passions of your life. Always make time for it.

Overall I just hope that you continue to grow, to push yourself and work hard to ensure your dreams come true. However, don’t forget to love your life for what it is in the time. There are always moments to cherish no matter how dark the day may seem.

Love always,

Kelly of 2021

BLOGTOBER X BLOGR CHALLENGE 2021 WEEK 1 – KELLY’S ADVICE ON TACKLING ONLINE HATE (BLOGTOBER – DAY SEVEN)

7th Oct 20218th Jun 2022 by Dreadfully Kelly, posted in Lifestyle

Hello my lovelies!

I’ve never tackled a blog post like this before so please bear with me, it may all come tumbling out and make absolutely no sense!

I’ll admit I’ve been very lucky and up until last week had never experienced any kind of online hate or trolling.

I remained blissfully ignorant as to how much your confidence can be obliterated in no time at all with a handful of comments from strangers.

Having recently put together a piece of content I was incredibly proud of (and something the brand themselves had been very complimentary of, enough so that they asked to feature it in an ad campaign) I was horrified to learn that my appearance was the subject of many negative discussions.

When I first came across the comments my initial reaction was one of confusion.

I don’t know these people. What have I done to deserve such an attack?

It’s hard to comprehend the mentality of trolls when you would never dream of being so hurtful to anyone. I cried and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that. Putting your heart and soul into something only for others to try and tear you down is sickening.

So what have I learned and how can help someone else who may be experiencing the same thing for the first time?

The answer is, I’m not completely sure to be honest. Personally in the days following my own experience I managed to find humour in the comments. At the sheer silliness of the things people were saying and the fact that their opinions didn’t matter in the grand scheme of my life.

I refuse to let anyone take away something I have the righty to be so proud of. I will never again let another person make me feel small or insignificant.

My biggest piece of advice though is to never isolate yourself if you’re feeling attacked because it will allow those comments to burrow and fester. To implant themselves into your subconscious. Speak to your friends. Speak to your family. Let them pick you up, support you and comfort you. Listen to their kind words and believe them but above all believe in yourself.

You’re amazing. Don’t let anyone, let alone an insecure stranger make you believe differently.

Tag: Mental Health